Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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