and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
