its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
