i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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