didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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