I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
