I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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