WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
