it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
