so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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