I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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