I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
