You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
