I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
