I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
