Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize