a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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