i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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