The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
