id be glad to
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
