proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
