Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
