why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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