I'm gonna have a badass scar
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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