I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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