I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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