And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
