don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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