Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
