I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
