Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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