She's JV to your varsity
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
