please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
