Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
