I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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