yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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