So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
