There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
