you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
