**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
