he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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