wat bout pragnant strippers??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
