I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
