I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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