The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
