how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
