dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
YAS. BRING CRAB.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
