I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
