Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
