the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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