yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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