We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
