What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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