Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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