she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
