Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
