Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
