I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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