I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
