Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
