she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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