i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize