when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
