So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
