I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
