Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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