Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
