my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
