my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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