after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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