My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
