I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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