we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
