I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i drank out of a bidet.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
