yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
