my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
