just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
