careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
