I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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