Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
