Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
