I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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