Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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