I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize