part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
