captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
