his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
