Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
