I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize