i already hear my dad disowning me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
