Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
