perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
