I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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