I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
