keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize