I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
dude. I can hear the air.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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