Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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