32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
