i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just found puke in my bra..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
