As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
