Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
